Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in the same patterns of behavior, even when you know they’re not serving you well? Perhaps you find yourself repeating unhealthy relationship dynamics, or struggling with the same self-doubt despite your best efforts. This sense of being “stuck” may be the result of something deeper—what psychologists call schemas. A schema is a mental framework shaped by our past experiences, especially those from childhood, that influences how we interpret the world and interact with others. In schema therapy, these deeply ingrained patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior can be a key factor in persistent emotional struggles, shaping everything from our self-worth to how we relate to the people around us. Schemas are defined as deeply held, often unconscious, patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior that are typically formed in childhood and adolescence. These schemas represent the way an individual views themselves, others, and the world around them. Schemas are usually developed in response to early life experiences, particularly hurtful or unmet emotional needs. They can become deeply ingrained and influence how people interpret situations, behave in relationships, and react emotionally to challenges. These negative maladaptive schemas can lead to difficulties in relationships, poor self-esteem, and unhealthy coping strategies. In Schema Therapy, individuals work with their therapist to uncover and heal the deep-rooted schemas that drive their behavior, helping them learn healthier ways of thinking and coping. Schema Therapy has demonstrated effects in treating various mental health challenges, these includes but are not exclusive to personality disorders, chronic depression, complex-PTSD and emotional dysregulation challenges.
Young et al (2007) defined a schema as a broad, pervasive, and enduring pattern of thoughts, feelings, memories, and behaviors that develops over time in response to early life experiences, particularly those involving unmet emotional needs. According to Young, schemas are deeply ingrained patterns that influence how we interpret ourselves, others, and the world around us. They are often formed in childhood or early adolescence and can significantly impact an individual's behavior, emotions, and interactions throughout their life.
Young identified 18 schemas and have grouped them into 5 broad categories based on the type of emotional need that was unmet during childhood or early life. These schemas can be maladaptive, causing significant psychological difficulties, but they can also be adaptive in certain situations (e.g., helping someone stay safe), though maladaptive schemas are usually persistent and problematic.
1. Disconnection and Rejection (Unmet Emotional Needs)
These schemas reflect difficulties in relationships with others, particularly in childhood, involving emotional neglect, abandonment, or rejection. They often lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, or fear of rejection.
Abandonment/Instability - The belief that others will eventually abandon or leave you, causing emotional instability.
Mistrust/Abuse - The belief that others will intentionally harm, cheat, or deceive you.
Emotional Deprivation - The belief that your emotional needs will never be met by others (e.g., emotional warmth, affection, understanding).
Defectiveness/Shame - The belief that you are fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or defective, and that others will reject you if they truly knew you.
Social Isolation/Alienation - The belief that you are different from others and do not belong, leading to feelings of being an outsider.
Impaired Autonomy and Performance (Unmet Needs for Autonomy and Achievement)
These schemas are linked to problems with self-direction, independence, and achieving personal goals. They typically arise when there is insufficient support for autonomy or achievement during childhood.
Failure - The belief that you are inadequate, destined to fail, and incapable of succeeding in life.
Dependence/Incompetence - The belief that you are unable to handle everyday responsibilities or make decisions on your own and need others to take care of you.
Vulnerability to Harm or Illness - The belief that you are constantly at risk of being harmed, injured, or incapacitated, or that disaster is imminent.
Enmeshment/Undeveloped Self - The belief that you are overly dependent on others, particularly family members, and lack a clear sense of self or independence.
3. Impaired Limits (Unmet Needs for Healthy Boundaries and Self-Control)
These schemas develop when individuals are not taught how to establish healthy boundaries or self-control, leading to issues with self-discipline, impulse control, and interpersonal limits.
Entitlement/Grandiosity - The belief that you are superior to others, deserving special treatment, and that your needs should always be prioritised.
Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline - The belief that you are unable to control your impulses, emotions, or behavior, and that you lack discipline.
4. Other-Directedness (Unmet Needs for Emotional Connection and Acceptance from Others)
These schemas are related to the need for approval, validation, and acceptance from others, and often emerge when a person is overly focused on pleasing others at the expense of their own needs.
Subjugation - The belief that your needs and desires are unimportant, and that you must suppress them to avoid anger, rejection, or punishment from others.
Self-Sacrifice - The belief that you must always put others’ needs before your own, often at the expense of your own well-being.
Approval-Seeking/Recognition-Seeking - The belief that your self-worth is dependent on receiving validation and approval from others.
5. Overvigilance and Inhibition (Unmet Needs for Healthy Emotional Expression and Spontaneity)
Negativity/Pessimism - The tendency to focus on the negative aspects of life, expecting the worst, and dismissing positive experiences.
Emotional Inhibition - The belief that you must control or suppress your emotions, particularly emotions such as anger, sadness, or excitement.
Unrelenting Standards/Hypercriticalness - The belief that you must meet high, rigid standards for performance, appearance, or behavior, often accompanied by self-criticism when these standards are not met.
Punitiveness - The belief that people, including oneself, should be harshly punished for mistakes or perceived wrongdoings.
When we’re dealing with the emotional pain caused by these schemas, we often develop coping mechanisms—ways of handling or avoiding the pain that end up reinforcing the schema instead of healing it. These coping strategies can reinforce and perpetuate the schema by preventing the person from confronting and changing it. There are three main ways that maladaptive schema gets reinforced: Surrendering, Avoiding and Overcompensating.
Surrendering
Surrendering involves accepting that the schema is true and acting in ways that reinforce it. People who use the surrendering coping style give in to the schema by acting as though the negative beliefs associated with the schema are true. They may adopt behaviors or patterns that confirm the schema, leading to continued distress and a self-fulfilling prophecy (when our beliefs about ourselves cause us to behave in ways that confirm those beliefs). There is a belief that the"this schema is true, and there’s nothing I can do to change it”. This results in the individual feeling a sense of helplessness or resignation, believing that they cannot escape the influence of the schema or change their situation.
Example: Sarah has a Defectiveness/Shame schema. She believes that she is fundamentally flawed and that people won’t accept her for who she truly is. In her romantic relationships, she surrenders to this belief by choosing partners who treat her poorly, or by staying in emotionally neglectful or abusive relationships. She doesn’t believe she deserves better, so she endures mistreatment as a way to prove to herself that her schema is correct—that she is not worthy of love or respect. When she receives compliments or positive attention, she often dismisses them or feels uncomfortable, believing that others are just being polite or don’t truly mean it.
Avoiding
Avoiding refers to avoiding situations, people, or emotions that would trigger the schema, or the discomfort associated with it. People using this coping style try to keep themselves safe by distancing themselves from anything that could provoke the schema, such as confronting difficult emotions or engaging in situations that might expose them to their deepest fears. There is a belief that “If I avoid situations that activate this schema, I won’t have to feel the pain or distress it causes”. Avoiding provides temporary relief, but it prevents individuals from addressing or processing the schema, leading to more long-term emotional distress and dysfunction.
Example: James has a Defectiveness/Shame schema and feels deeply uncomfortable with vulnerability. To avoid the painful feeling of being exposed or judged, he avoids close relationships altogether. He withdraws socially, never allowing himself to get too close to others for fear they will discover the “real” him and reject him. He might even avoid situations where he has to speak in public or share personal details, such as at work or in social gatherings, because he fears others will see his perceived flaws and judge him.
Overcompensating
Overcompensating involves trying to counteract the schema by adopting the opposite behavior or extreme opposite stance in an attempt to prove the schema wrong. In this case, the person believes that if they push themselves hard enough or behave in an extreme way, they will show that the negative belief is untrue. However, this usually leads to excessive behavior that is unsustainable and unhealthy. There is a believe that "If I show the opposite of my schema, I can prove that it’s not true”. Overcompensating often results in stress, anxiety, and frustration, because the person is overextending themselves or taking extreme actions to avoid feeling vulnerable.
Example: Kylie has a Defectiveness/Shame schema and feels deeply unworthy and flawed, but she tries to overcompensate by presenting herself as perfect. She might become overly perfectionistic, working tirelessly to achieve high standards in her career, appearance, or social life. She constantly seeks external validation and approval from others, trying to prove that she is not defective. For example, she might overachieve at work, constantly striving for praise and recognition from her colleagues and bosses. She might also engage in excessive dieting or fitness routines to maintain an idealised body image, thinking that if she appears flawless on the outside, it will compensate for her inner feelings of inadequacy.
In Schema Therapy, these coping styles—surrendering, avoiding, and overcompensating—are maladaptive ways of dealing with the distress triggered by maladaptive schemas. While they may provide short-term relief, they reinforce the schema and prevent the person from developing healthier, more adaptive ways of coping with their emotions and experiences. The goal of schema therapy is to help individuals recognise and break out of these coping styles, so they can address the underlying schemas directly and adopt healthier ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. Recognizing your schemas and how they influence your behavior is the first step toward breaking free from their grip. If you recognize any of these patterns in yourself, Schema Therapy may offer a path to healing and healthier relationships.
Disclaimer: The material on this blog is not to be used by any commercial or personal entity without the expressed written consent of the blog's author. The article above is an opinion of an individual clinician and should not be taken as full clinical advice. The statements on this blog are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any mental health or mental illnesses. Always consult your doctor for medical advice or seek professional therapy.
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